Remember when you’re scrolling Instagram late at night and suddenly you feel like you’re living in the Matrix? Man, I know I sure do. Around 2 years ago I found myself wide awake at midnight when I should’ve been sleeping. My wife had already turned off the lights and I was digging through men’s style Instagram… scrolling past look after look of the same guy wearing different variations of the same outfit all pointing at words that looked something like this:
DON’T FIT IN WITH THESE FADS NO MORE!
5 ITEMS REAL MEN SHOULD WEAR RIGHT NOW!
STOP LOOKING LIKE A CHILD AND TAKE NOTES! !
I don’t know about you, but at that moment I found myself wondering…
When did getting dressed in the morning become a boring checklist? ?
When did figuring out what to wear stop being personal expression and become homework? ?
Fast forward past the screencaps of white backgrounds with magic marker on punched holes degrees…
When did dressing well become a military-grade buzzkill? ?
These were the questions rolling around in my mind as I continued laying in bed, scrolling past boring “essential items” lists on virtually every men’s style Instagram I followed.
Seriously y’all. Every. Single. Account.
They each had a full breakdown of their favorite “dailywear” essentials that, surprise surprise, consisted of basically the same navy blazer, crisp white shirt, and worn-in brown trousers.
It was like men’s fashion had spawned its own twisted alternate universe where every guy owned the same clothes and looked like slightly-muted versions of each other.
And you know what was the craziest part?
I didn’t realize how absurd it all was until that very moment. I had been STUDYING those checklist wardrobes and HAMMERING those same linear ideas into my brain for as long as I could remember reading about men’s style. Hell, I even spent years teaching that same exact thing…
Except now I saw it for what it was: the Men’s Style Algorithm.
The boring, joyless, prison uniform we’ve allowed Instagram to sell to guys as authentic style.
Believe it or not, navy blazers and white sneakers are actually really good items. Hell, I even own them both. What’s not good are when they become your only options and rocking a completely different brand of those same two pieces suddenly makes you some sort of stylistic outsider.
If you know anything about men’s style, you’ve no doubt seen The Algorithm in action. Basically every article, podcast or YouTube video teaches you that there’s one “right” version of every clothing item and wearing anything outside of that will get you vocally roasted by hardcore style gatekeepers.
Nowhere is this more true than with The Essential Items List.
Oh man, do I love a good essential items list. In fact, I wrote one of my favorite articles on the face of this earth just a few years back called The 10 Things Every Man Should Have In His Wardrobe . Spoiler alert: that article is radically different than anything I’d write today.
Don’t get me wrong – that list is chock-full of incredible items that every man should consider owning. But the issue with that article (and almost every other essential items list out there) is that they attempt to solve for style with a one-size-fits-all list of clothing.
Own a navy blazer? Good for you, you conform to The Algorithm. Brown chelsea boots? Hell yeah, add another plank to your #Guillotinedicine chest. Gray sweatpants? BOY, do we have some ___ing work to do with you! !
Look… nothing against navy blazers, brown boots, or even gray sweatpants. We’ll get to my issue with sweatpants in a minute. My problem is when these individually great items become a rigid formula that all guys are told to own.
And to make matters worse, I helped build that prison.
I’d written my fair share of essential items lists. Hell, I had entire categories on my old website dedicated to breaking down “dailywear wardrobe essentials” and telling people exactly what they needed to own.
When I learned something new about the world of men’s style I would immediately create a guide on MY site teaching that to other guys. But what I wasn’t realizing was the Framework I was helping to construct actually had become a prison for people.
Great frameworks become prisons when there’s no room for people.
Frameworks that don’t allow for being an actual human with actual feelings and interests.
It was a problem I didn’t even realize existed until late one night last year at a meetup I was hosting in Dallas.
I was doing a Q&A with this group of guys when a young man raised his hand. He was maybe 22 or 23 with dark jeans, a white button-up, and a navy blazer.
He looked… fine. Acceptable. But nothing about his outfit made me take notice until he spoke.
“I bought every item you told me I needed and built my wardrobe around your lists,” he said with a smile. “But every time I get dressed, I still don’t feel like myself.”
If style enlightenment came in a form of body odor, those would’ve been the pants I smelled.
How could I have let myself build a brand around helping people GET DRESSED without ever once mentioning how you could feel like yourself while doing it? ?
It was that moment I knew I needed to step back and reevaluate everything I thought I knew about helping people with style.
Okay let’s say that whole “Essential Items List” concept is bunk. What if putting together a wardrobe that helped you feel more like you isn’t about checking boxes on some predesigned list?
What if real style has nothing to do with buying certain clothes and everything to do with stripping away the ones that don’t fit you? ?
Think about that. All those RULES we’ve been force-fed about how to dress – what if they’re actually LIMITING your ability to express yourself? ?
All my life I’d been programmed to think that good men’s style meant… well… good men’s style.
Which, translated: Navy blazer, gray sweaters, plain white tees. White button-ups, dark jeans, brown boots. Undershirts, athletic clothes, and whatever else The Internet tells us real men are wearing these days.
So what happens when you flip that all on its head? What happens when you decide your wardrobe should be helping you express every part of YOU instead of subscribing to the stylin’ status quo? ?
I’ll introduce you to my good friend Marcus. He’s an awesome graphic designer based here in Dallas and loves nothing more than a good podcast interview. Hell, we’ve actually talked about doing one of these together at some point. Story of his life:
Marcus was a slave to The Algorithm. Suit vests, dress shirts, extra white socks. It was like every single “What Real Men Wear” list out there had majorphoto shoots with him while his wardrobe was being assembled.
He was dressed like a million other guys out there. Safe. Generic. Basically unnoticeable.
Until one day he rocked up to our monthly poker game wearing…
Can you guess what Marcus was wearing? Does the Algorithm predict awesome suiting? ?
NOPE. Not today, suckers.
What Marcus wore to break free from the tensely toned shirt, boring tie prison was:
A perfectly fitted charcoal suit.
With a vintage button-up that had this crazy geometric pattern.
AND these bad boys.
Incredible forest green suede loafers.
My boy Marcus was never married to “menswear” before. He dressed like a bland text editor begging for prom invites. But as soon as he started wearing colors and garments that actually excited him, he unlocked this new level of style. More importantly, Marcus finally started dressing like… himself.
Marcus stopped dressing like everyone else and started dressing like Marcus.
Okay cool story about my buddy Marcus, but what happens when you realize you HAVE to dress like yourself but have literally no idea WHAT that looks like?? Dressing like yourself should come as easy as brushing your teeth but we’ve been so bombarded with outside noise our entire lives about how we “should” look that we’ve never stopped to consider who WE want to look like, style-wise.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve LOVED how guys dressed in feeds like @nativeajar and @trashyusa. Creative, interesting, a little bit “out there” but completely badass.
Guys like my man @tinycouture in this:
How do guys like Tinyc know what to wear?? They couldn’t be further from the Algorithm if they tried.
Problem is, half the time I found myself stealing from those guys and it PHENOMENALLY sucked.
Why?
Because I was forcing SQUARE peg items into my ROUND hole self.
Seuss definitely didn’t have me in mind when he wrote that one.
I’d grown accustomed to seeing guys dress based solely on the garments they were wearing vs who was wearing them. Nativeaj at Target? Trashyusa clearing out the permanent sale at JCPenny’s? ?
Imagine if we stopped looking at clothes as just… clothes.
What if we could describe each guy’s personal style, sorta like a logline for a movie? ?
Like “Woody Harrelson – seasoned actor who prefers comfort over convention, but loves to dress up a simple jeans and t-shirt with interesting clothing details.”
“My funny southern boy who watches way too much YouTube and tries to hustle as much as he can.”
See where I’m going with this? These may not be PACKING nour into great descriptions but you get the point.
The more I thought about what my “style logline” would look like, the more I realized mine would have to include:
Texas boy who spent time in larger cities, appreciates quality and tradition but doesn’t take himself too seriously, dress-calls it at the office but also changes into play clothes when hanging with his kids, likes to buy things that will last but has no time or patience for high-maintenance clothes or fabrics.
Classic American garments with modern details. Clothes that can weather kid-puke and backyard messes. Quality materials and timeless fabrics. No hype brand-or-died for me.
You could break down every man’s style into a sentence or two and when you do that you immediately start to weed out what’s authentically you and what you’ve been programmed to like by society.
Coding aside, let’s apply this “style logline” concept to me personally…
Creator of MFM who grew up in Texas but spent a large chunk of his life in larger cities. I appreciate quality, tradition, and understand the value of a classic wardrobe but I don’t take any of it too seriously. I dress well for work but my day is generally spent going from office calls to playground duty with my kids. I like to buy clothing that lasts but I don’t have the time or patience for anything too high-maintenance.
Mine breaks down to:
American classics with modern twist. Durable clothes that can stand up to kids. Quality fabrics but no hype brands.
Are you starting to see a pattern here? ?
See how easily my personal style broke down into something I actually OWN wear?? You could do the same thing with your interests too.
Developer. Loves clean lines, sci-fi movies, and a good hoodie. Pizzas a planner.
Business teacher and owner who loves vintage Americana and baseball. Listens to too much folk music.
Corporate finance wizard who DJs on the weekends. Lives in two worlds.
IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE IN ONE SENTENCE, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? ?
All those touchstones above instantly highlight who you are as a person and what you enjoy. They point you toward certain genres of clothing while ruling others out immediately.
Blue-collar dad? Versatile garments you can throw on after work and play hard in.
Country music lover? Western boots, cowboy hats, and the good ol boy style.
Travel blogger? Lightweight clothing, bright colors, andconvertible garments.
Quirky tech entrepreneur? Unexpected textures, bold colors, and sharp tailoring.
Hell, ask yourself the following questions about how YOU want to dress:
Do you prefer more analytical or creative outfits? Modern or traditional? Comfort or formal? ?
Outdoor sports man? Indoor hipster?
Clean minimal lines or fancy embellishments? Bold colors or neutral tones? ?
Do you spend more time at the gym or on the golf course? In the city or the country? ?
Are you an extrovert or introvert? Reader or podcast listener? Dog person? Cat? ?
Once you start pinpointing exactly what your tastes are as a person (not what you SHOULD like as an undecided shopper), you start opening yourself up to wearing things YOU actually enjoy wearing vs what The Internet says you should.
Am I the only one who heard Nas scream “DON’T F*** WITH MY SLEEVES!” every time I wore a shirt that was too tight? ?
Look, I’m as guilty as the next guy when it comes to cutting my skin off at the mall.
Skinny jeans that made my knees look wrinkled? CHECK.
Slim-fit dress shirts where my arms looked like sausage links? YOU BETTA!!! !
I lived and died by the suit section at Express for the longest time because “that’s where all the good men’s clothing is.” Never mind how those clothes looked or felt on me. As long as The Algorithm approved, I was a happy little styling sheep.
Man, do I hate tight shirts.
It wasn’t until I finally started exploring relaxed-fit clothes that I realized how damn INCORED style becomes when you stop trying to fit into clothes that don’t work for your body! !
Style tension is what makes looking at clothing FUN.
Contrast. It’s what makes those photos of Tech CEO wearing a gold necklace with his perfectly tailored suit so captivating. Blogging dad mixing Carhartt with dress pants? I’ll read that blog. Hip hop artist paired with vintage western boots? Sign me up for THAT newsletter.
My style tension comes from being an East Coast prep living in Texas. Or as Lauren likes to call it, “private school kid that moved to a ranch.”
I love everything about oxford shirts and navy blazers. But instead of wearing them with chinos and sneakers like anyilluminati doing Instagram would, I throw them on with faded jeans and work boots.
I love sharp tailoring but only on things that have been worn-soaked into my wardrobe. Give me knits that pill and jeans that fade immediate.
When you know your authentic style tension, you suddenly open yourself up to wearing things you never thought you’d wear. Things that, according to the Algorithm, don’t “match.”
Maybe your styles trenches are classic vs modern. Vintage vs new. Athletic vs artistic. Minimalist vs expressive.
Find your tension and own the f*** out of it.
Here’s the crazy part about personal style – it doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
Sure, the Algorithm loves telling you how to dress 24/7 no matter where you are or what you’re doing. But your life actually doesn’t work that way. You’ve got weekends with the kids. Date nights out with the wife. Board meetings. Traffic. Ikea.
My wardrobe has different “modes” that all fall within my style, but are slightly tailored to fit the occasion.
“What Cam Does When He Has Calls All Day But Also Needs to Dress Like He Actually Lives In Texas”
Lots of layers, dark colors I won’t hate if they get dirty, clothes I can shove on in the morning AND throw on sweatpants immediately after leaving the house.
“What Cam Wears If He Needs To Change But Still Has To Look Semi-Presentable For Client Calls”
Same rules as above but add jacket and shave my face.
“What Cam Wears If He Gets A Text That Says ‘WE ARE AT TARGET.’”
Ripped jeans I don’t care about. Comfortable shoes. Flannel.
If you spend all your time worrying about dressing your best, 24/7 you’ll never discover all the wildly different styles of dressing WELL that exist.
Context is everything in smashing the algorithm.
I could care less about having one “perfect” version of every garment. That white tee I own for getting work done around the house is nowhere near as fitted as the one I wear to meetups with Lauren. They serve two different purposes and I like that I CAN experiment with these things instead of being forced into one try-everywhere white t-shirt.
Same goes for everything else in my closet.
Most of my style rule-breaking came when I stopped telling myself I had to LOOK a certain way all the time and focused only on how things MADE me feel when I wore them.
Everyone’s got an opinion on how you should dress. Your mom. Siri. Jack from the credit union.
Scroll through enough Twitter and you’ll start to hear every noisy opinion in the world force feeding you the same style dogma.
Should you wear skinny jeans? Hell yes!! Stop wasting your hard earned $$$ on that roomy butt-sack you call clothing! !
Should you buy local?? SHOCKER!!! Bags are where its at!! !
Should you wear suede shoes?? ONLY IF YOU LIVE IN TEXAS WHERE IT NEVER RAINS!!!! !
Listen… if you love skinny jeans – OWN IT. If mom jeans give you Superman syndrome brag about it on Twitter.
Who gives a damn if your jeans are slim or straight-legged?? Wear what fits your body best and makes YOU feel confident, damn it! !
One of the first steps to finding YOUR personal style is stopping giving a shit about what other people think.
You like minimalism but your girlfriend loves bright colors and crazy prints?? WELCOME TO MARRIAGE MY FRIEND. Love her, appreciate her style, and pick out a few pieces here and there that make YOU feel good when you wear them.
Sure, dark blue jeans may be the ‘norm’ but YOU look crazy good in orange pants. Own it. Rock that shit proudly. Eventually everyone around you will recognize that those mad style skills aren’t copied from anyone else and YOU did that.
If you’ve ever met me IRL or listened to any interview I’ve been on you’ve probably heard me go on one of my favorite style tangents:
Growing up I LOVED Steve Urkel shirts.
Like, would wear them weekly if my mom would’ve bought me some. They were the peak of STYLE in my book.
Wellll fast forward through adulthood and guess who STILL loves those shirts? ?
Hint: it’s not Steve Urkel fans all over the world screaming “Did I do THAT? !”
Remember when I said earlier that nothing about Marcus dressing like himself should’ve stood out to me?? Here’s why.
Even though we have wildly different styles, there’s one thread throughout my wardrobe that relates back to me rocking those horrible shirts as a kid.
Good tailoring, fitted clothes that DON’T suck at the elbows, and a mild obsession with trying to look put-together at all times.
See how those shirts from my childhood play into my style today?? Replace shirts with your favorite things from as far back as you can remember and see if you notice any patterns that match up with how you dress today? ?
Trust me… the younger you go, the clearer your personal style will become! !
Style is a journey, not a destination.
Look, I could honestly write you another 3,000 words on everything I learned trying to break away from the stigma that “good style” = good ol’ boys dressing alike but I’ll sum it up with this:
Figuring out how to not give a shit about what everyone else thinks and embracing your personal style takes time. It’s an investment of self-experimentation that yields big returns.
Start small. Wear that funny printed shirt to the office. Rock those bright red chucks with your navy pants. Slip on that ugly sweater your grandma got you for Christmas even though it’s 95 degrees outside.
Notice how these “stylistic experiments” make YOU feel. Do your shoulders slump in disappointment because everyone’s staring at your crazy pants? ?
Or do you feel a little extra swagger in your step knowing you OWN what you’re wearing and nobody can take that away from you? ?
This process WILL NOT happen overnight. I promise you that if you try enough crap on you’ll instantly KNOW it’s not for you. You’ll feel it in your bones. You’ve worn those slim shirts for far too long and your body is violently rejecting them.
Start experimenting with your wardrobe. Discover your style naturally instead of trying to force yourself into something that “should” suit you.
There are no shortcuts to finding your personal style. It’s a road of trial and error that only YOU can navigate.
But that’s the beautiful part. Learning to trust YOUR style and NOT the opinions of everyone else is what’ll push you past, “Generic Internet Man” into what Lauren likes to call, “Cam.”
PS. If you don’t know Lauren, she’s my wife and easily one of the coolest, stylish humans I know. Follow her Instagram here.
THE BOTTOM LINE
You are not a bland internet-manrobot.
You have your own interests, experiences, and passions that make you completely unique.
Stop worrying about what OTHER people have to say about how you dress and start focusing on what makes YOU feel awesome when you get dressed each day.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer for what looks “good” on you. It’s your job to figure that shit out.
TLDR; Style isn’t about ticking off boxes on someone else’s checklist. It’s about finding YOUR own and making sure those boxes actually represent who you are as a person.
